Astros 2
Rangers lots
submitted by Neil T
Howdy! I guess all ya’ll have been wonderin’ how things have been since I dropped out of the Presidential race. It was a tough decision on my part, and to be honest, I’d probably still be in if I hadn’t received this from the Houston Astros Baseball Club:
Dear Governor Perry:
Thank you so much for your kind invitation for us to participate in your campaign for President. It is a noble endeavor, and the Houston Astros have long been your friend and have admired your leadership in our great State and Nation.
However, as a major league baseball club, we appeal to a broad spectrum of fans, and as ambassadors of the great sport of baseball it is inappropriate for us to be linked to any political cause or campaign. We must respectfully decline your kind offer.
Wishing you the very best in the upcoming campaign.
Yours,
Miss Lola LaLoush
Director of Public Relations
Houston Astros Baseball Club
Ain’t that just the last nail in the coffin? I know a Dear John when I see it, and that’s a brush-off if ever. Of course they haven’t been all that hot themselves. Did you see that catastrophe last night? Couldn’t get out of the 4th without Kazmir given up 6 runs, their two runs were pretty much afterthoughts, and their second best player clotheslined their best player to put him out for the rest of the season, I reckon. That’s some mighty hard steppin’. Hell, if this were the Republican nomination they’d be me and Scott Walker. I guess now that they’re out of first I’m reminding everyone of my lifelong support of the Texas team, the Rangers. No one can ever say that this governor changed his loyalties.
Droppin’ out hasn’t been that bad. I’ve spent a lot of time with Anita and the kids, and have a good chance to do some coyote huntin’. And I’ve been calling lots of old friends from my gubernatorial days. Shoot, some of them even returned my calls. And I’m really glad that Walker fella was next. People were always talkin’ about how he hadn’t finished college. Hell, I was surprised he’d finished junior high. What a Wisconsin Weanie.
Meanwhile I received some nice notes from folk, includin’ this from that fella Bench:
Oh woe! Wail-y! How can this be?
A President who’s not Perr-y?
Oh woe! Boo-hoo! What can we do
Without our Rick? We have no clue!
He was always sendin’ me the nicest notes, and they say poetry is dead. Just goes to show you just have to start with a properly poetical subject.
I have been lookin’ for a new gig. That job as Commissioner of baseball got filled while I was campaigning, and the National Rifle Association hasn’t yet returned my calls. Ted Kruse called and said that once he and Trump were Co-Presidents, I could be Secretary of Energy, but I’m not being anybody’s secretary. It ain’t manly. Anyway I think I’ve found just the thing.
As you know, I was a Aggie Yell Leader back in the day, and that gives me a long history in sports. Plus I’ve been recappin’ Rangers/Astros games here on OWA for almost three years. You probably heard by now that that fella’ Patterson resigned at TU, and I’m thinkin’ it’s a fittin’ job for me while I’m waitin’ for Chancellor at A&M to open. As soon as that fella Abbott returns my calls, we’re gonna be talkin’.
Your friend,
Rick